Awakening

I turned 28 years old about a month ago. To me, this is very old. Just looking at the number makes me sick to my stomach. People say that 28 should be in the "prime of your life" years, to me it is the beginning of the end. I buy old lady creme. I worry about wrinkles and getting the typical old lady hands. But the worst part is, I am 28 and am still fat.

I have always been fat. Even at 115 pounds, I am fat. It is just how I am built. I will never be that petite girl, that's not me. I am thick, solid. Of course right now I am not 115 pounds, I would much rather be fat at 115 pounds than fat at 257 pounds. That's right, I am 257 pounds and 52 inches around my fattest point on my stomach. It's disgusting. It's embarrassing. And yes, I am mortified to share my weight with the world, but I think being accountable to someone, anyone, will help me gain control and start the process of working towards having a healthy body.

Only a truly fat person will understand this, food is a drug. It is an emotional stability that will always be there for you, will always understand. I have had a love affair with food most of my life, but especially the last 10 years. I am 28 years old and I have never been in an adult relationship. And I have been ok with that, I've dated Taco Bell and Burger King. I've had an affair with the chocolate Cream pies from Marie Calendars. I've been content. I've been a fool.

This isn't the life I want for myself. This blog will be about changing my physical and emotional health. I don't expect it to be easy, but I am excited for it. I am ready for it.

Day 1 starts tomorrow. :o)